Bathrobes and Hugs

Even though the girls torment each other endlessly because "one wants what the other's got..." there are times when they get along just fine.

For example, here you'll see them in matching bathrobes, hugging and talking amongst themselves.

Here, you'll see some blurriness around their hands. That's because Morgan is helping Avery to hide her hands...


Avery: Where's hands?!


Morgan: I don't know! Where did Avery's hands go?


Me: Avery...how are you going to eat ice cream without hands?!


Avery: (quickly revealing her hands from the robe) HERE'S HANDS! HAHAHAHAHA!

Me: Hey girls, give each other a hug!


Girls: Hugs!!!!!!


(seriously, they ran at each other, super-dooper hugged, and Morgan even lifted Avery off of the ground! With looks of loving joy they loved and hugged and laughed and helped one another. Heart-warming!)

See?

Finally, let's again confirm that Avery is a total THUG! This girl even dresses like a boxer, hooded robe and all! One move from you and she'll "what's up dog?!" you. And not in the Randy Jackson kind of way.


Avery: Yo, dog, gimme that sippy cup or we're gonna have a problem.


Me: Did you just say "milk, please?"


Avery: Yeah, woman, drop that there milk in the cute little cup that most babies adore but I secretly just want to chuck across the room before I throw a tantrum.


Me: Aw! That's so cute! She looks so serious when she says, "please!" Avery, would you like some milk?!


Avery: Are you deaf, lady? I shouldn't have to tell you more than once! Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!


(Avery starts touching mommy's mouth and coherently says, "mouth" and smiles. She then identifies eyes, nose, ears, and hair. Let's review how that went).


(Avery shoves her fingers into my mouth. Yes, shoves! Opens my mouth with a GI Joe kung fu grip that's freakishly strong for such little fingers type of prying. It actually hurts and is weird. How do you look a 1.9 year old in the face and admit defeat? You can't! You just have to literally grin and bear it. Hurt = laughter).


Me: Oh, yeah, jeez, look at mommy's teeth! Oh boy, ah, okay, yeah, those are teeth, hahaha, gag......


Avery: HEHEHEHEHE! Teeth! Mouth! HEHEHE!


Me: Oh, yeah, those OUCH are mommy's eyes that you should leave where they are! Poking hurts! Ow!


Avery: HEHEHE, HAHAHA.


Me: Leave mommy's earrings alone, okay?! No, wait, don't grab those, you could really - OW - yeah, that.


Avery: HAHAHA, HEHEHE.


Me: Okay, yeah, that's mommy's hair, Yes, that's a ponytail -AH! Okay Avery, gentle hands, OW! Okay? It's so important that you - OW! - be gentle with people and have nice - UGH - hands. OWWW! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HAIR!!!!!


Avery: MWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA!!! (devious grin included).


Yeah, she's a hoot alright! Her favorite game is "Where is ______?" Here you'll see her in full "avoid the bottle, jammies, and bedtime" mode as she actually thinks that I can't see her...

Where's Avery?!?!?!?!

(muffled laughter)

Notice the forehead precariously peeking out of the polka dot blankie?! Yeah, she still thinks that she's invisible.

THERE SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!

Whoops! Where'd she go this time?!?!!? Oh my goodness! Avery has completely disappeared! What am I going to do (more muffled laughter) without her?!?! (Baby flailing legs up then violently down onto Morgan's bed repeatedly. Almost as if her joy physically manifested itself in uncontrollable spasmodic turrets syndrome-like jerks of her lower half. Don't laugh. You're all lucky that I was able to get a clear picture of this!)

Avery: In her noggin, here's what she's thinking: "If I just briefly glance beyond the horizon of this fleece barrier, I will no doubt be able to assess the potential hilarity of the situation."


Who are we kidding!??!!?!?


My THUG would think, and pardon her French, "Yo Bee-Atch?!!??! What the *&%# do you think you're doin' tryin' to sneak up on my invisible ass?! You're lucky I don't open up a can of whoop ass on you for peepin' tom-in on me in my sleep. Yeah, that's right! Yeah? What are you gonna do about it? Spank me? Good luck finding my little ass with more than half your hand. And what? You think a little spank is gonna cause more tears than my "tantrums?" Shit. Those tantrums are just to keep you wrapped around my finger. Woman, if you had any "thug" in your blood we wouldn't even be having this conversation. We'd be out on the town living it up! But instead, I'm sound asleep at 10:51 on a Wednesday and you're a total dork because you can't stop writing all of this cheesy crap! Stop putting words in my mouth and hear me when I say - I will emotionally whoop your ass tomorrow!!!!"


Me: Yeah, you're right.


Avery: Told you so. Jeez!


(And she did...)

A Bedtime Story

I was just telling a friend this story, and I thought it mught be fun to write it all down. That way when I go crazy someone can show this to me to try and jog my memory.

I used to have to rock Morgan to sleep, sit with her in her room, fight with her over bedtime for hours. Then along came Avery. She drinks a bottle, she goes to sleep! It's beautiful! And to put the cherry on top, she goes to bed at 6:00! Sweet!

But it's the WAY in which she goes to sleep that's so awesome. Let's go step by step:

Step 1: Make her bottle and warm it in the microwave. Note - as soon as she sees me do this she goes running for the hills!

Step 2: Chase said baby around the house with bottle in hand.

Step 3: Transfer bottle to teeth. Grab her from behind with one arm. This is actually an advantage because her mouth, which bites, is facing the other direction. Bonus to this one armed steal? The  other hand is available to stop her legs from kicking. Note #2 - they hurt, too.

Step 4: Say goodnight to Spongebob.

Step 5: Fight with Avery about which jammies to wear. She says NO! to everything. I have to finally pick one and force her into it. Literally force. She cries like I'm poking her eyes our with hot branding irons.

Step 6: Here comes the good stuff...

Put Avery in crib with her dolls. Blankie over them all. Give her the bottle. Turn down the lights. Lean on crib rail and watch...

Step 7: With lights down...

Watch Avery...

Drinking bottle.

Me: Are you done? 

Avery: NO! (sounds more like nooooooo. with a little hand waving back and forth at me)

Me: okay, then drink it!

Avery: drinking...

Me: Watching...

Avery: (whispering) Mommy...

Me: (whispering): Avery...

(repeat this a few times...)

Me and Avery: (smiles and giggles)

(repeat this a few times)

Avery: (whispering...very softly) bobleesheeahfooshealalalalla

Me: ((whispering...very softly) same...

Repeat this numerous times...then...

Avery: (quietly) Night-night. (blowing kisses....mwah, mwah, mwah...etc)

Me: Mwah, mwah, mwah....

As I close the door I still hear her blowing kisses, which, of course, makes my day. What a goof.

And at the end of the day, this is what I see...

And this, my friends, is what I love the most. Not because she's sleeping...

But because she's peaceful.

Are YOU peaceful?

:)

Grammar Wonderland

Way back when I taught in PA, I wrote a little grammar parody of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland." Here it is, just for shits and giggles...

Frosty Loves Grammar!!!

School bells ring

Are you listening?

In the class

Smiles are glistening

A sentence filled sight

Interjections? Alright!!!

Writin’ in a grammar wonderland

Gone away

Is the fragment

Please revise

Or I’ll send dragnet

To fix your mistakes

We’re raising the stakes!

Writin’ in a grammar wonderland

On the paper we will build a sentence

Prepositions, adjectives, and nouns

I’ll say, “Are you ready?”

You’ll say, “Yes, let’s!”

So let us use conjunctions

or we’ll frown!

Later on,

we’ll aspire

as we write

with so much fire!

Pronouns and verbs

and even adverbs!

Writin’ in a grammar wonderland

In the classroom we’ll commence some learnin’

Labeling and circling words around

In the future

you can be quite certain

you’ll be the greatest writer

in the town!

So much work

Ain’t it thrilling?

Though your brain

It gets a chilling

We’ll frolic and play

The grammar rules way

Writin’ in a grammar wonderland!

Fun With Tape and Scissors (and Spoons and Dolls and Muts)

When you hear, "fun with tape and scissors," I'm sure you generally think of arts and crafts, fun activities, maybe the kids made something cute and festive? Well, you're WRONG!

In my house, tape and scissors are used creatively/inappropriately. First, Morgan was cutting a piece of paper with safety scissors in her room. (Yes, I know. I left her all alone with safety scissors. Not like I'm winning parent of the year anytime soon). So picture this...Avery is mid 10th tantrum of the day on the floor, Dan is on the sofa in the family room, and I 'm in the kitchen wondering if it's 5 o'clock somewhere as I watch Avery with a perplexed look on my face. Because she has to take a breath every now and then, Avery can only scream in spurts. (Thank goodness...but it's sort of like schizophrenia for the ears). Just as Avery takes a much needed breath, I hear a little voice call out with glee and joy from the top of the stairs, "Mommy, I cut my hair!"

While my initial reaction was, "Holy shit!" And all I could picture was my cousin Becky's bangs that I cut with pinking shears when we were little, and I mean jaggedy spikes all the way down to her forehead.  I hesitantly turned around, caught a glimpse of Dan's face (also one of "Holy Shit!") then allowed my eyes to slowly, slowly, slowly assess the damage. I expected a bald child. And Lord knows her hair grows slowly enough as is! How was I going to explain this one to concerned strangers at the grocery store? We had her groomed? She donated it to Locks of Love? Her sister pulled it one too many times? She's got some random disease that leave her hairless and cold? Daddy's electric razor slipped?

I looked...

Me: Morgan, did you cut your hair?

Morgan: YEAH!

Me: Morgan, where did you cut it?

Morgan: Right here...see?

Me: No. I don't see. Are there little Morgan hairs all over your floor somewhere?

Morgan: No, I don't think so.

Well now I'm confused. Everything looks okay, even her hair. What the heck? I looked all over the place and I didn't see any hair. So now I guess my biggest problem is that my kid likes to tell fibs and scare the ever-loving-bejesus out of her "already one of questionable sanity" mother.

I guess things could be worse. Avery likes to repeatedly head-butt me. Hard. She laughs. I have that same befuddled look I do most of the time when it comes to the kids' behavior.

Now onto the tape. I'll keep this one brief...there was a brutal murder inside of my freezer and the fridge wasn't talking. The area had to be sealed off until backup could arrive...

I often say that Avery is weird. See photo...

 And she is, but that's besides the point. Here you'll see Avery in one of her "less-weird" favorite activities. She LOVES baby dolls. I mean LOVES. She will spend hours arranging them, rocking them, putting blankets on them, feeding them, and saying, "Don't cry, baby. Don't cry." Even though she's one of the goofiest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, she is also one of the sweetest...when she wants to be!

But I'll leave the final determination for you...

Our New Nephew

Here he is...Zachary David! What a cutie!!!

Hayden's Birthday Party

What a glorious evening filled with lots of party fun! Let's first take a look at the happy couple (Morgan and Hayden) as they fight like every other married couple over major household appliances...

Next we played downstairs. Morgan spent hours trying to figure out gadgets, playing with trains, and helping Hayden open presents.

Avery? Well, she was eating the pool table as she threw the balls across it, she ate all of the goldfish, and she felt the need to put a toy car in her mouth for an uncomfortably long period of time. Goofball.

And how did Hayden react to all of this? By eating his troubles away with CAKE!!!!!

A Few More For Now...

Have you ever noticed that the simple things make kids super happy? Bubbles in a sink...goofy hats...poofy jackets...tuperware...pots and pans.
Well, things are no different here. When surrounded by a ton of toys (literally) these kids gravitate towards plastic bowls. Towards boxes.
Great.
For Christmas, please feel free to send a cardboard box.

This Fall...

Just a few more over the last few months. From Avery being a THUG!!!! to Krystle being my lifeline and sanity...one of me and my friend Erin  - we dressed alike on the same day, down to the funky ring!!!

Oh...and the dogs...again!

More Updates

I'll try to include a few pics from over the last year or so that really sum up how the girls have grown. Then, starting this weekend, I am most definitely going to keep this up! One of the best pics of Avery is, I think, the one with the lady bug headband! She very rarely smiles like a normal baby. Usually it's this weird bottom jaw jutting out grin that is a cross between a wild boar and a hunchback. Like I said...she's weird.