(Screaming in the background upstairs - the kind that is truly sad, upset, hurt. Like the frowny face is in full effect and even I start to panic....)
Me: What’s wrong? Avery, what happened? (I start walking up the stairs, expecting the trauma to have occurred in the bathroom where the voices are from.....but NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!)
Rewind back 48 hours.
Mid week: Avery has been acting weird. First she had a really crabby day last week. She’s had a few of those recently, which indicates that she’s not feeling well. Her “normal” crabbiness usually only lasts for an hour or so, but recently it’s just apocalyptic destruction on a fast-running zombie scale.
Friday: she got some random rash. It kept appearing all over her body...red with raised bumps. And she would tell us when a new hot spot was about to appear and lo and behold, it would. We still have no idea what triggered it, but after a nice dose of Benadryl and a cool bath with baking soda, we were able to alleviate the discomfort and the rash went away.
Exhibit A:
Saturday: All was well. Kids had dinner. Avery had peas and cheese sticks.... then we went to a wedding downtown and had a fun night! Then we got home. Kids were asleep. Yay for peace and quiet....
Saturday night/Sunday early AM: I was snapped out of my slumber by the sounds of a demonic entity shrieking and spewing. Literally spewing. Avery was at the top of the stairs hurling green chessy chunky goo all over herself and the floor, crying and screaming as more and more projectile vomit pulled a Linda Blair all over the place! I quick swept her up and dragged her in the bathroom, and she just looked HORRIFIED and traumatized and shocked and scared all at the same time! It was in her hair. How did that happed? Boomerang puke? Regardless, there we were stripping her naked and dumping puke in the potty while the bath filled up a bit. We had to wash her down and calm her down simultaneously. Poor kid! After cleaning her up and doing the best I could with the carpet in the middle of the night, I laid her down on the floor to get her in new jammies....when....BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH SPLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! MORE GREEN CHUNKY CHEESY GOO ALL OVER HER AGAIN! MORE CRYING! MORE STAINS ON THE CARPET!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Rinse and Repeat.
Got her in yet another set of jammies and climbed into bed with her. The tears dwindled, the blankies were on, I rubbed her back and gave her hugs and kisses. But we all know where this is going...
Two more pukes, but both times she was able to make it to the bathroom. Phew. I settled in next to her and we drifted back off to sleepy land at 4AM.
Sunday morning: Wakey wakey! Avery and I came downstairs and curled up with an episode of Team Umizoomi. She had a sip of water. Two minutes later? BLAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WWAAAAAAAAAAAA! Again. But it was just water and it landed on the linoleum, so I figured that was the end of it. No worries, right?
Morgan woke up and the three of us played for hours! See the attached video. My feet are still painted as I write this.
So we spent the whole morning together, playing and having fun, although it was definitely messy! However, Avery kept complaining about her bum and that she wanted butt goo. So we took her upstairs but didn’t have any, so we just wiped in. I let her walk around bare bummed to air it out. Until...yup. Go back to the beginning.
She walked up the stairs and it happened. It was happening. Yup, it happened all over the place and there was nothing that any of us could do about it. It just happened.
So let’s review. Green puke stains in Avery’s carpet and top of landing. Green liquid poop now all over the stairs. And the worst part of all of this? I can’t find the steam cleaner’s hose attachment so I have to hold the stupid thing on each stair, precariously perched like an ostrich on a twig, ready to tumble down the stairs with Chrissy and all. As I slaved away, sweating bullets and swearing religiously, Morgan was downstairs helping Avery get settled in. She brought Avery toys and blankies, then tucked her in. After I eliminated the tragedy, I helped Morgan get her sneakers on because Dan was about to take her to the store to go get butt goo before Avery’s nap. I said, “Morgan, thank you so much for helping Avery so Mommy could clean up!” She said, “Sure, Mommy! She’s my sister! I like to help!” AWWWWWWW!!!!!!
So to wrap up quickly, Avery got her butt goo and cried when we put it on because her bum is so raw.......
then she passed out immediately upon hitting her pillow, Morgan got water ice at the store and is eating them one after another, she also brought home flowers for Avery...
Dan is playing his game, the dogs are sleeping, my feet are still painted with nail polish, and I’m about to end this tale and enjoy the temporary quiet! Peace out, homies....wait a freaking minute....there’s a kid playing the drums somewhere in the neighborhood. How do I know? Because it’s audible even with the doors shut! OMG.
Oh....and it snowed today. SNOW.
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