What an ordeal for us all...
First, there's Avery's pain. Please note that the overalls that she's wearing are size 12 months. Yes. 12 months. But she insisted. Heaven forbid I try to pick for her, or make a simple suggestion. Just like some other people I know, once she's made up her mind she hyper-focuses on it like a mosquito to Dan's skin! Now granted, I loved this outfit back in the day, so I saved it in a drawer. But wouldn't ya know that little goof found it and was determined to make it fit!!! Ha!
So on the last overall button and with mucho effort, here she is. The bottom of the pant legs only went as far as her knees. I'd say that's some pain and suffering on her bum crack. It is sort of like a perma-wedgie for babies.
Intermission: without clothes, of course, and Morgan felt the need to lay her down and cover her up...
For all of Avery's headstrong ways, she's quite a sucker when it comes to Morgan's directions! Thankfully, Avery usually goes along with Morgan's elaborate conspiracies and fantasies, but I'm pretty sure that in her noggin she's thinking stuff like, "I'll go along with this now, but watch what happens when we are teenagers!" or "Yeah, sure, Morgan. Whatever. Just sleep with one eye open, okay!?"
Then Morgan lead her to the little house. No pain here other than Avery's suffering at Morgan's hands. Again, Avery just kind of goes along with whatever story Morgan has concocted for the moment!
Please note the length of the overalls...
Now for MY pain and suffering....
On Friday, the girls and I were outside playing in the sprinkler. Jolly cavorting ensued, and plenty of jovial laughter and giddy giggles. Yet unbeknownst to us, there lurked a herd of thrashed brush, recently cut down near the koi pond in preparation for the spring growth. While most of it was disposed of, it's always those stupid little fragments that wait, patiently, stealthily stalking our feet, hungering for our pretty soft flesh, drooling over our little corn kernel toes.
And then it freaking sprang on me! That nasty, stupid, heinous, vicious predator jumped out and burrowed itself in the arch of my foot! Yes, burrowed! It hurt like a son of a gun! I reached down, precariously balanced on one foot, horrified by the depth of the piercing, yet shockingly small amount of blood. Cautiously, I pulled the damned shred from my poor foot, cursing it and throwing it to the ground in a fury! Then I went and played more with the girls!!!!
Fast forward to Sat am - as I laid in bed cracking my ankles, the pain persisted. In fact, it was ten times worse. My right foot scratched the bottom of the left foot (where said boo boo resided) and WHAT?!?!?! What the heck was that! OW!!!!!! There was a freaking LUMP on the bottom of my foot that shot pain through my entire leg upon impact with anything! But, since I'm a tough chick, I just dealt with it all AM. But after a few hours of just "dealing with it," there was no way to deny - there was something horribly wrong with my boo boo. So I proceeded to soak it in the kitchen sink in warm salt water, hoping that it would open up enough for me to tweeze it out. After waiting and waiting and waiting, I tried the toe nail clippers....the tweezers....the clippers again...squeezing it....clipping it....soaking it....and finally....NOTHING!!!!!! (Except pain!)
So I called Dr. Karin! They were able to squeeze me in and I hauled ass to Hartland - 30 minutes away! But there was no way I was going to the local urgent care place - I needed Karin!!!
Here it is...
I looked up at Karin and admitted that it looked so unassuming, so small, so, well, stupid! But rest assured, it HURT!!!!!!!!! My whole foot was throbbing! So she went to work on it. Tweeze...wipe...(me squirm...wince...frown....make stupid jokes)...tweeze...wipe...squish....you get the point, I'm sure.
And during all of this Karin told me about the time that she and her whole family went on vacation in Mexico, only to have her mother in law fall and break her arm, then they had a hard time getting her back to the states and dealing with insurance! There is more to this story but truthfully, as I was nodding and sort of listening all that I could think about was
damn get this freaking thing out of my foot holy shit that hurts oh my god no no no yes just get it out here it comes no wait that didn't work......
So we decided that lydacane would be a good idea - numb it up and slice it out. Yeah, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! That sucker hurt worst of all! Like getting stung by a wasp!!!!!! As the needle penetrated my soft and swollen skin, I distinctly remember squealing, "Oh jeez oh my god holy F*#%!!!!!!!! Karin you owe me a margarita!!!!!!!!!!"
It was pretty shitty.
I'd like to be able to tell you that once I was numbed up the ordeal was over with quickly, but...no. It took 15 more minutes of tweezing....squeezing...wiping...pushing...Karin saying "Jeez, this thing is tougher than I thought it would be!"....Me squirming more (but it didn't hurt as much!)
And holy cow, after all of that torture, here's the little bugger....
And just for shits and giggles, here's Nala in the car seta with ear muffs on.
Morgan with said earmuffs because we had a bonfire going....
Which leads us to the final scene of torture - Avery showing me poop on her hands. Yup.
