A Better Day

After the tragic loss of Wally, I have definitely struggled with my inherent responsibility in the whole thing.  I, of course, blame myself, and I think about the "what ifs" every day, both good (what if I had gone upstairs right away...what if I wasn't jean shopping....what if I told her to wait until I got there) to the bad (what if it was Avery in the tub...what if one of the girls slipped and fell into the water). These thoughts torment me still. Don't give me the predictable "It's not your fault, accidents happen, it could have been worse..."
The fact is, it sucks.

He's buried next to the fir trees by the satellite dish. How is that a meaningful life? That's what he's reduced to. A stone on top of a freshly dug mass of dirt with some random stone marking his grave. At some point we will move and the new people will look at that random rock and put it back with the rest. Forgotten. That just breaks my heart.

However, there are moments that remind me how great everything is. Like today! What a beautiful afternoon filled with sunshine and a gentle breeze (which got a little bit cold towards the end of the day!)

But there we were, outside, swinging and sliding and laughing and looking for poop and riding the ATV and picking flowers!

Here you'll see the 180 difference between my kids...

What Morgan found....

A beautiful potpourri of pebbles, carefully selected leaves, flowers, and dandi-lions! Really, each one was chosen lovingly, with empathetic precision and care. Each one delivered to me (the guardian of the cup with a lid to protect it from the wind) with deliberate impact. This cup had exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it....a layering of love!

And this is what Avery came back with...

Bark.